Learning to Love Yourself is a Journey…..
For the first 28 years of my life I lived life in a state of unbothered Ignorance. I numbed my pain with cigarettes; I dealt with my feelings by eating them away or I projected them onto others. I punished myself by smoking weed uncontrollably and ignoring the signals my body was sending me . I was out of touch with myself.
All of this came to a crashing halt when I felt a pop in my back in early December 2018. At first I took my usual approach, I told myself the pain would go away. I told myself if i do not think about it or if I don't move it will go away. Morning turned into Night. 1 day turned into 2 days and the pain wouldn’t go away. You see I had back pain leading up to this instance and the pain always went away after a couple of days. This time the pain was much more intense and it didn’t go away, even after sleeping and ignoring the pain. It didn’t go away.
I felt as though there was a sharp object pierced into my lower back and any slight movement meant excruciating pain down my leg and up the left side of my body. I can’t compare this pain to anything I’ve ever felt in my entire life but if you’ve ever had back pain you know what I’m talking about.
I started to use a walking stick and then crutches
I went to see a chiropractor for 2 weeks and when the pain didn’t go away by christmas I went to the doctor who prescribed me medication and physiotherapy. After going through physio for a month I was finally able to start walking on my own but nowhere near what it used to be, only after 8 weeks of physio did i feel good enough to walk without assistance.
I would do physio for another 2 weeks before getting an MRI and being diagnosed with a herniated L4 and L5 disc and some nerve damage in my lower back. After seeing a neurologist who said all I had to do was be more physical and basically get abs I ended up going back to work on March 26th. In all the Injury affected me for 3 3/4 months.
I am still in pain to this day but I have found ways to manage this pain.
I started with the pain and recovery so you know how long everything took. During the first month I spent almost 100% of my time laying in bed either staring at the ceiling or watching Netflix. There are only so many episodes one can watch before one starts to contemplate life. I had always been the sort of person to think about life but I was never one to take action on my thoughts, I had always known and thought I could do so much more with my life but I hadn’t felt the need to take action. After this injury it dawned on me that life was much shorter than I had ever thought it was and it was time to start not only taking care of my body but also taking control of my life in every way and making intentional decisions that affect my journey.
During my injury I took up a lot of new activities that are now part of my everyday life:
I practiced yoga to help with my flexibility,
I stopped smoking for a whole month,
I switched up my diet to a plant based/ anti inflammatory diet,
I started drawing for the first time ever,
I started reading again,
I started becoming more aware of my body, my feelings, my emotions and my actions.
I finally understood what it meant to be in full control of my life and making intentional decisions. This situation and the decisions that followed affected everything in my life including where I worked, how i spent my days, my goals in life, the people I spend my time with, what i say and how i say things, how i interact with people and what my surroundings look like. I soon realized I was on a journey of wellness and self awareness.
I know what I have gone through and how I ended in that situation. I know where I am now mentally as compared to where I was. I now know this pain happened to me for a reason.
I walk through life and I see people in the world living life the way I used to and I know it is my purpose to live my life in a way that shows people that there is an alternative. I have always known I was meant to be an educator and this is what i have been sent to educate people on.
I am going to become a wellness educator, a Yoga Instructor, A meditation teacher. I am going to use photography, writing, Illustration and media to show people my journey and show people the light.
I’m ready to shine my light and I hope you accompany me on this journey.